What is this mystery - companionship?
Incredulity is the first thing I feel when I open my eyes. It's hard to believe what has happened. Things change so unexpectedly that it's hard to believe, as well as disbelieve, anything. What is relation when our relations are as fickle as our moods. They grow; and before we know, they fall sick and die.
You imposed yourself on me when I was at peace with myself. And you turned your back on me when I needed you the most. You have gone away and there is no hope of your coming back.* In my despair, your memories come to haunt me when I am lonely.
And I am always lonely. I nod while listening to others but I don't hear anything. I feel lost in a vast expansion of a limitless desert. There are no star in sky to show me way. I am confused. I only hope not to be corrupted by this confusion.
People try to convince me. But I am already convinced. Nothing is easier than convincing the mind. Mind finds honorable excuses for things that we do, and things that we don't. I also know that everything happens for the best. That's pretty obvious, isn't it? But convincing the mind doesn't soothe a wounded heart too much. I know I ought to be happy. But I am not. Nevertheless, I say I am happy. I feel something, and I say something else. Words are useless when we are sincere. We hardly understand others' words. We are all condemned not to be able to understand one another.
Life has a funny sense of justice. You see - life is easier for those who litter than for those who care to clean the litter. The former cheerfully exploit the weakness of the latter. Love is also a weakness, which is duly exploited as soon as it is detected in others. Civilization has made us clever enough to recognize trust, kindness, gentleness etc in other person and then exploit them to the last drop. In any relation, the one who loves less exploits more. But some of us still clean, and some of us still love. Isn't it funny?
Is it pain that I feel in my chest, or is it just a vacuum? Do I really miss your sweet nothings? Did I really take those sweet nothings seriously? I had never thought so. But I was wrong. I am bigger sucker than I had imagined myself to be.
I can imagine your pain, and the vacuum in your chest. But I can not feel your pain. I can feel only my pain. We can not feel each others' pain. The inability to feel each others' pain separates us, and often makes us distrustful to each other. But the pain itself - that unites us. The mutuality of suffering binds us in our separation. Can't you see a togetherness in our separation, a companionship in our fate? We can not meet but we are still companions, like two parallel rails of a railway track. We have to bear the weight of our fate, together, separately.
*your person can, but you can not. You, as you existed then, can not.
11 comments:
"Two rails of a railway track..."
couldn't come up with a worse analogy?
:)
Had I come up with a better one, I would have written that only. Even the two sides of a river don't meet, but they are not crushed by passing trains. :)
Nice, Abhishek!
Your post reminds me of two things I read in our scriptures: Everything that the mind tells is false. And, the heart of the wise, that which feels bliss, is on the right side; the heart of the fool, which feels pain, is on the left.
Although, if I'd attempted a similar monologue, I would've made it a funny piece.
I mean, look at the character of two parallel lines... Don't you think they are too obstinate to keep moving as mirror images of each other instead of being the horizon. Parallel lines have tremendous egos; they don't lose it unless they occur in skewed planes. Similarly, prime numbers are so goddamn lonely; they just wouldn't listen to being divided by anything else but themselves...
I know exactly what you mean. The road to sentimentality is often slippery, and you run a risk of falling into the ditch of ridiculous. I have tried my hand in poetry, and found myself in the ditch.
I don't agree to your ego theory though, because being parallel seems to me a command of fate, not a conscious choice.
Is companionship a need of the soul or the senses?
Of Both, of course.
If we could feel someone else's pain, it would be really very hard to preserve our sanity.
That was the question - if we can not share each other's pain, how can we be friends? How can we be friends when one is indifferent to the other's pain?
Sanity is a rare state of mind anyway, and of questionable utility as well.
You just make an awful lot of sense there. I'd say, you are just too sane.
:)
Quite sane and smart on your part that you can make out the difference. I admit I often can't. I will have to return your compliment. Thank you. :)
In perspective transformation even parallel lines seem to meet...
And after all it's only a matter of perception.
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