Sometimes I feel ashamed of everything that I have written here. I am feeling so right now. And it is a very curious feeling. I dont know if I should be feeling like this. I dont even know when should I feel like this. All I know that I am feeling shameful for whatever I have done here. And as I write here, this feeling is subsiding slowly. How can the cause of a malady be the cure also?
Writing is a product of one's thought process or it takes one away from his thoughts in order to save oneself from his own thoughts?
Can thinking and writing be done simultaneously? One of my friends justified his misspellings and other errors in his essay by saying that he was too engrossed in his thoughts. Perhaps he was right. Either you stay connected and recieve signals or you disconnect. Later on you write down. But sometimes the thought bytes vanish as soon as the cognitive radar is disconnected. I dont know if I am making any sense but it happens with me. So you tend to scribble whatever comes into your mind. This leaves the essay poorly structured. The form suffers for the sake of content.
It is interesting to analyse your state of mind and try to find out the reason for your emotions. It is interesting because it is, I feel, next to impossible. At least for me it is. My mind is too muddled to examine itself. You might have noticed that I am using 'I feel' very often instead of the polpular alternative 'I think'. But the problem with feelings us that they mislead too often. Thinking has its limitations but it hardly loses its grounds.
O my mind! I am unable to understand you because I am unable to detach myself from you. I am too close to you to see you.
This sense of shame is partly because of comparison. The more I attempt to jump out of the pit of mediocrity, I admit, I see it myself sunk deeper in its jaws. It is really frustrating to realize that you can not write what you can be proud of. Why is it that we can not create what we can appreciate?
Should I forget it or come to terms with it, or fight with it?
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