ना बस ख़ुशी पे है जहाँ, ना ग़म पे इख्तियार है
The worst thing about marriage is that you need someone else. You can not do it alone.
And it must be done! Old people want to run a show. They want to host a party. They want to wear their suits and flaunt their jewelery and look good in the video recordings. So boy, park you bike there, get yourself fixed somewhere and dress up for the evening!
That's all fine. But where is the lady of the golden frame? Have you found her? Gone are good old days of yours. Arranging marriage was never easy, but it seems a real tough deal nowadays.
- We have or we imagine we have something which we call our identity. And we are very conscious and sometimes rather possessive about this identity, especially when we want to justify something or simply fight with someone. This something - identity - is the cause of some of the most serious relationship problems, sometimes from the very outset of a relationship.
- Your mantra of "Career First" has started to backfire. Our generation seems to have taken this mantra a bit too seriously. We have never understood why something as petty and as vague as 'career' can come first in someone's life. And we have no idea for how long career will be placed ahead of things that really matter to us. For if career comes first, we come second, third or somewhere farther behind. We never questioned you, but perhaps we should have. May be it's too late now. The horse has left the cart behind and is running for its own sake.
- The photographs you show don't show enough of them. And when I call them up (after realizing that talking to them would surely be less painful than otherwise), I feel that I have skipped some very important steps. Besides, we tend to be objective in such interviews, which leads us to assume such an attitude which is neither human nor conducive to the development of any genuine feeling. In short, I strongly feel that this marriage market is not a place to be in, though I might not be able to explain why. And so my head feels heavy when you give me another number.
- This duplicity of standards can not sustain itself for long. Either you marry us like your parents had been married - without all this farce of meeting and knowing each other - or you leave us be. We can be obedient, but then don't expect us to enjoy obeying. And me warn you that obedience in these matters has its own consequences.
- Loneliness is not a good habit, and could be dangerous if prolonged, unless dealt with utmost care. It keeps us in a virtual world and gives us a false sense of freedom, which we waste in self-indulging pursuits. This virtual life makes us self-absorbed and rigid, if not schizophrenic, and difficult to adjust with reality later in life. Moreover, some pleasures, if delayed for long, lose their essence with time. And they are replaced by obstinate abstinence punctuated with guilty deviations.
Not only the institution of arranged marriage but the whole idea of sexual morality and man-woman relation need to be rationalized as per the demands of contemporary lifestyle. The expectations will have to be moderated and the priorities involving compatibility will have to be revised - as I had said in my previous post, that things like caste don't hold much relevance anymore in marital life.
* Life
And it must be done! Old people want to run a show. They want to host a party. They want to wear their suits and flaunt their jewelery and look good in the video recordings. So boy, park you bike there, get yourself fixed somewhere and dress up for the evening!
That's all fine. But where is the lady of the golden frame? Have you found her? Gone are good old days of yours. Arranging marriage was never easy, but it seems a real tough deal nowadays.
- We have or we imagine we have something which we call our identity. And we are very conscious and sometimes rather possessive about this identity, especially when we want to justify something or simply fight with someone. This something - identity - is the cause of some of the most serious relationship problems, sometimes from the very outset of a relationship.
- Your mantra of "Career First" has started to backfire. Our generation seems to have taken this mantra a bit too seriously. We have never understood why something as petty and as vague as 'career' can come first in someone's life. And we have no idea for how long career will be placed ahead of things that really matter to us. For if career comes first, we come second, third or somewhere farther behind. We never questioned you, but perhaps we should have. May be it's too late now. The horse has left the cart behind and is running for its own sake.
- The photographs you show don't show enough of them. And when I call them up (after realizing that talking to them would surely be less painful than otherwise), I feel that I have skipped some very important steps. Besides, we tend to be objective in such interviews, which leads us to assume such an attitude which is neither human nor conducive to the development of any genuine feeling. In short, I strongly feel that this marriage market is not a place to be in, though I might not be able to explain why. And so my head feels heavy when you give me another number.
- This duplicity of standards can not sustain itself for long. Either you marry us like your parents had been married - without all this farce of meeting and knowing each other - or you leave us be. We can be obedient, but then don't expect us to enjoy obeying. And me warn you that obedience in these matters has its own consequences.
- Loneliness is not a good habit, and could be dangerous if prolonged, unless dealt with utmost care. It keeps us in a virtual world and gives us a false sense of freedom, which we waste in self-indulging pursuits. This virtual life makes us self-absorbed and rigid, if not schizophrenic, and difficult to adjust with reality later in life. Moreover, some pleasures, if delayed for long, lose their essence with time. And they are replaced by obstinate abstinence punctuated with guilty deviations.
Not only the institution of arranged marriage but the whole idea of sexual morality and man-woman relation need to be rationalized as per the demands of contemporary lifestyle. The expectations will have to be moderated and the priorities involving compatibility will have to be revised - as I had said in my previous post, that things like caste don't hold much relevance anymore in marital life.
* Life
6 comments:
Loneliness is not a good habit, and could be dangerous if prolonged, unless dealt with utmost care. It keeps us in a virtual world and gives us a false sense of freedom, which we waste in self-indulging pursuits.
-- in absebce of conscience.
There is difference between solitude and loneliness. Solitude is a choice. Loneliness is a natural condition, rather I should call it alienation. And all civilized people rebel against it.
I see that rebellion in your post.
... and please spare my tummy this time :)
Go ahead take the plunge boy!
It's ur duty to make some unfortunate girl very unhappy.
What kind of person you are? Misogynist or something? :D
Please let me know who you are. My wife would know whom to kill first. :)
Nah, just kidding...
From ur blog it seems u wud make some lucky girl very happy :)
Now ppl write eulogies 4 u!
U r sure u didn't just post the above comment urself :D
Meenakshi
Well, such questions (Are you a virgin? type) can not be answered. Even if I say No, your doubt won't vanish. You have to trust me here. :)
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