15~ 20 yrs back
trnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggggg
Oh no! NO! I am NOT at home. I am in HOSTEL!! :((
The infernal cacophony, the spear-like sound of the morning bell, ruptured the tender silence of the dormitory. It was called 'Baccha Room' where I was trapped with my fellow inmates. All of us were little innocent kids studying in LKG or UKG. The damn screech also snapped the power cord putting a premature end to my most favorite program: my dream! Oh how intensely I abhor noise, in any form! I believe that noise is somehow associated with every aberration, every crime, every sin because it suppresses the voice of conscience; it takes us away from ourselves, it makes us deaf, in every sense of the word. It is the messenger of Lucifer. How invulnerable it is! How indelicate! How unaesthetic! How sub-human!
The dream! Oh how beautiful it was! I was at my home with my parents and kid sisters having all the fun and tasty food and above all..... freedom!
It always used to happen with me. When I returned to hostel after a vacation I used to dream of my life at home. And the realization of it as a dream was heartbreaking.
I started a day with a heartbreak again. Nothing unusual Abhishek- 7, carry on. It's life!
FLASHBACK
Scene 1
- I also want to play.
- No Bablu. We have already started the game.
- You can start the game again.
- No, we wont. And anyways we don't want to play with you as you cheat and fight.
- Who says that I cheat? And which bastard says that I fight?
- Please let us play.
- No one will play if I don't.
Scene 2
- Why did you throw their toys?
-
- Answer me. Did you throw their toys?
- No, I just...
- Don't lie, I've got a complaint against you. And you beat that girl too, isn't?
- I just pushed her...
- Shut up. Last week too you had beaten a guy. You also fight with your kid sisters. And I never see you with your books.
-
- Hmm... they were right. I've indeed pampered you. But no leniency any more. Be prepared to go to hostel. Hey listen! Pack his bag. Your son will not stay in this house.
OK. So this is how I secured this hell for myself. No amount of begging or pleading worked. Father had pronounced his irrevocable sentence. And there was no appeal against that judgement. And there were many relatives of mine who thought that watching TV (Doordarshan, for God's sake!) was an unaffordable luxury for kids and above all Hindi medium guys don't have any future. Mother's love was speechless before this argument.
But nothing changed in hostel. I applied myself to top the class in order to persuade my father about my changed heart. Later on in my life I really was to become one of the staidest students in my high school. I was exempted from the mass punishments. My words were taken as the proof of truth. But back there in hostel my nature was nowhere near that. I was charged along with my accomplice for roughing up with another kid. And the allegation was not entirely unfounded. In that incident the poor guy got his hand fractured. But we didn't intend to go that far. We just wanted to teach him a lesson. After all he had stolen my Horlicks while I was asleep! The stolen Horlicks didn't help his bones too much.
Miss asked me to sit in the first row because I was the quietest student. Also, I was the topper of the class. But I found it very inconvenient. I didn't want anyone to see my weeping which I often did because of chronic homesickness. Well, the poor monitor didn't know my history, the reason for my being there at the first place. He mistook my silence for my weakness. I remember him bullying kids and hitting on their heads with his knuckles in order to control the class. I ignored him once because I was lost in my own lost world. The next time he did it, I stood up calmly, picked the duster, and banged it hard on his forehead. That was the last day of the his terror in the class.
Sherry was a BITCH, similar to Big Nurse in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's nest. She would come in our room in the afternoon when we were supposed to sleep. I was not used to taking a nap in afternoon but I pretended to sleep to avoid the trouble. In her rounds, she would check if any of us was awake and if anyone did, the bitch would flog him! She would even call our names to see if we were really sleeping! I was very happy when I came to know that a bhaiya slapped her when she did the same with him.So much for dominance.
The food was pathetic. Father was touchy about this. He used to pay extra money to the staff to ensure that we are fed well. Even my sister was sent to hostel with me. She was in nursery. She was an angel! She would hardly say a word. She would just look at people with her large eyes. She wouldn't even cry, as I used to, when parents used to leave. I believe she was dumb. Whatever, she lived in the girls' hostel where boys were not allowed to go, not even brothers. I could see her only in queues in school. I couldn't even break my queue to talk to her. It was inhuman, the discipline. I used to miss her terribly. And I had had enough. I could break their rules and gatecrashed the girls' hostel but the guards wouldn't allow us to set our feet outside the premises of boys' hostel. We were practically in a jail.
I was sick of all this. We were made to walk in queue from hostel to school, from our dorm to the study hall and from mess to our dorm and everywhere. I wanted to break free. I decided to flee.
- Nani, what if i get lost somewhere in the town?
- You have our address.
- But it is quite far from this place.
- So what? Take a rick and ask him to take you to our place.
- What if i had no money?
- Don't worry about that. I'll pay once you reach home.
I ignored the possibility of being thrown back to the hell, once I was caught. I just wanted to defy them and show them who was smart.
It was not difficult to execute the plan. But it needed balls to muster enough courage to overstep the forbidden line. The consequences of failure were terrifying. The hostel authorities were answerable for the safety of the kids. Any mischief like this could have really put them into serious trouble. The deterrents were correspondingly dire.
But we are not talking about ordinary people here. Yours truly dodged the guard and ran away, away from the hell. I was free. I stood at roadside and felt my freedom.
I could go to Nani's place alone but I remembered my sister's innocent face. This pace was unsuitable for an angel like her. I decided to get her out. That was the hamartia. The girls' hostel proved to be the my Waterloo. Somehow I managed to dodge the guard and ran up the steps. In the lobby, I asked the astounded girls to call my sister. When she came I urged her to run away with me, away from the hell. But the dumb doll kept staring at me. Meanwhile, the large amazons held me and they wouldn't let me go away. I have no idea what made me so irresistibly attractive to these girls!
I vividly remember what happened next. Psychoanalysts say that the memories of the traumatic experiences sink into the unconscious. I can still hear his questions.
- will you ever try to escape again?
- yes.
A searing sensation.
- again?
- yes.
One more swish of the stick in the air ending with a cry of sharp pain.
Perhaps wisdom follows pain.
- again?
- no.
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