Random thoughts

I distinctly remember what O.P. Amar Sir told us (Ashu and me)*.

1. Winning arguments at the cost of people is not worth it.

2. Never expect your confidant to keep your secrets (because even you could not at the first place if you shared it).

3. Conversation between two people should be considered confidential by default.

Words of wisdom isnt? But I didnt understand why he said this to us at the first place. Perhaps he was talking to himself. I dont know.

Whatever, I will talk about the first point only.

I start with a confession. I like to win arguments, even at the cost of people. I have been doing it. I have been losing people.

Dont get me wrong. I am not one of those pig-headed brutes who refuse to budge an inch from whatever they hold to be right. At least I think I am not like that. By winning arguments I mean giving more importance to ideas than to people. Well I need to qualify my statement again. What I really mean is that I place more importance on my ideas than that of others'. Why? Simply because my ideas are my ideas. They are like my children. I love them and I can not abandon them. If I leave them then who will take care of them? I do not consider myself an unreasonable man. If some idea appealed to me then there has to be a reason for that. I dont believe in words like winning and losing in a discussion. If some idea appeals to me then I admit it promptly. I concede my defeat. But I dont do it to make anyone happy or proud.

I am not a manager. I dont know the art of managing things. I do know, though, the science of it: the rule of Golden mean.

Well, I mismanage things. Or I should say they get mismanaged, especially relationships. I understand that human beings are made up of various biases, irrationalities, repressed desires, the bitterness of unrequitted love, inferiority or superiority complex etc. I allow myself to be taken for a ride. I do listen to people and their feelings. I try to feel their sentiments by putting myself in their shoes. But then I have a severe limitation. I dont pretend to be fooled by emotional nonsense when it is presented to me wrapped in the cover of rationality. People expect me to buy their arguments with its faulty logic. I can not do that. I want them to realize that they are being emotional when they do so. I dont allow others to pretend that they are being reasonable and rational. They feel exposed and they leave me.

I am impulsive. I follow my instincts. I say what I feel like. You might say I am bad. You might say I am good. I say I am none. I am what I am. Your experience with me could be bad or good. Though I hate to hurt anyone but I have seen that it can not be helped anyways.

People are strange. I have met people who ask your opinion about certain things. But what they really want is your approval and confirmation to what they say. It is wierd coz they wouldnt tell you about this beforehand. Otherwise it could be done. They want to establish a political nexus under the veneer of rationality. What I find repulsive is not their desire to be supported but the pretense of free discussion.

NOTE: I had left this post to be completed later on. But now I think this much bitterness is enough to cause dyspepsia to a normal reader. I spare you. :)

* Prof O P Amar- Dept. of chemical engg. IIT Delhi
Ashu- Ashutosh Mathur - my friend, currently in IIMC